Day 4 of 30 Day Challenges
The blog series in which I am completing my challenge from 30dayblogchallenge.com!
As well as a self-made challenge inspired by Abraham Hicks in which I self-soothe myself through negative emotion.
At the end of this 30 day journey I intend to be more fully on my life’s path, “all systems go.”
Alright. Here we go.
I continue writing. I continue… uh, writing…
Still no word on IT fixing my 30 Day Blog Challenge hang-up. But still writing.
Still getting frustrated at my kids and trying to keep up with my 30 Day Self-Soothing Challenge.
Still writing.
That’s the best I can say at the moment, it seems. I am still writing. But that was the biggest point of this, in some ways. To get the momentum going. Of writing.
GOAL QUESTIONS
I mean, I have always wanted to be a writer. I made up my mind when I was probably 9 or 10 years old. I read The Hobbit and some other books of that sort. And I had always liked video games of a similar genre, classically known as RPGs or role-playing games. So I guess I naturally gravatated to wanting to create, to remake, to re-envision the very things that I enjoyed most.
I have always loved stories, but especially ones that involve magic. And beings of different kinds. And epic adventures. And saving the world. These things have always been passions of mine. They have fueled me through my entire life, in just about everything I have ever done.
So why am I only beginning to build my writing momentum now, in this format?
God only knows.
I mean, again, I set the intention when I was young. I knew I wanted to be a writer. In fact, my dream was really to be a successful, rich and famous author. I used to tell my family that I wanted to live in a castle some day.
Now, I didn’t actually consider the reasonableness of living in an old stone structure, or the cost of a more realistic modern castle. I just thought it’d be badass, in a way, to live in a castle. I idealized the so-called medieval era, or the fictional fantasy realms, or the video game RPGs where castles thrived.
It was this rich fantasy world, this creative dream world, that in many ways has forged and founded my very nature.
No wonder I am drawn to the spiritual as well…
Creative world building…
So. I knew I wanted to be a writer. And I did write when I was young. I created maps, too. And characters and cities and creatures and histories. There was a grand story I wanted to tell, much in the vein of J.R.R. Tolkien. I set my goals high.
And why not? That’s how you do it. All successful, I mean really successful people, will say the same. Shoot higher than you can imagine really happening, and watch your reality shift to meet it. Or at least get pretty damn close.
I’ve heard it put like this recently: “Shoot for the moon and even if you don’t get all the way you’ll at least leave the atmosphere.” Or something to the effect. I like it though (even if my version is skewed, I like it).
So what happened to my writing momentum?
High school wasn’t my thing, so at that time the writing was an escape. Then I went to college. At this point it became clear that I was extremely shy and lacking in the people department. Don’t get me wrong. I wasn’t weird. Well, maybe a little (but those wierd parts I liked… still do). I was just really shy.
Through college I may have dabbled in my stories, but I was more observant of reality for a change, rather than fantasy. And I strove to better my people skills, communication skills, and the like. You know, not look so weird simply for being too shy. Being confident enough to engage with others.
Well that took me a while. Wow. A really long while. I had a lot of lessons in that. Best of all probably was living in Brooklyn, NY for almost a decade. That’s another story. I mean enough happens in New York to write a hundred stories.
New York, man.
Post-college adult life hit me pretty much like any other secluded youth who had had a relatively bump-free childhood. I was overwhelmed by new stresses, the need for money, and the endless stream of working hours at jobs I didn’t like. And again, New York, man! If you want to really work, go to New York, man!
Still, I appreciate it after the fact. New York energy rubs off on you. Everything has to be bigger, better, faster, stronger, more amazing. And jobs push you harder than you’d otherwise be pushed. To new limits. With new awareness of what is possible. What can be dreamt, realized, made into form.
So I thank you, New York. And I am glad to have some space from you now. But I thank you, still.
And then kids.
Wow, if you want to stop focusing on your dreams for good, add responsibility to stress and work and money issues.
Hey, I shouldn’t say that. I know it’s wrong.
First because kids are amazing and I love mine to pieces.
Second, I should amend to say that you should never let your kids crush your dreams. That’s not fair to anyone and that energy will affect your kids and what they mean to your life. No one wants to be someone else’s dream crusher.
And because I know it doesn’t have to be like that. Plenty of parents are extremely successful. And not necessarily at the expense of their relationship to their children.
Still, parenting does require a lot of time and attention and that can make following your dreams harder. Or at least it takes a different focus and commitment.
Really it comes down to this I think. I can’t say I know the solution here until I am successful at my own dreams, but I think. I think you have to have the right attitude. And the right support system. I had neither. I had neither for far too many years. Another story altogether, again. Ahem.
So why do I regain the writing momentum now?
Well, I have new attitudes. New consciousness. A new experience of life and what is possible.
And a great support system.
One that encourages me, accepts me, believes in me. But more than that inspires my to encourage, accept and believe in myself. Because no one else, no matter how awesome, will ever fill the void you make in yourself if you don’t love yourself.
Do I love myself?
Mostly, I think. But since I can’t answer that 100% I know I am still working on it. I feel I am pretty close to 100%. Much better than I used to be. Much better than ever. Maybe ever. Except perhaps when I was a kid.
When I was a kid I didn’t care what people thought of me, I was just me. I think most kids are like that, unless they get degraded and beat down by others so much they lose sight of it. Sad story.
All I know is that I have much to write about. Much, much, much, much, much. Endless words and creations. I have’t even scratched the surface. The Titanic has barely hit the iceberg and there’s so much below to be seen.
And as I reveal the ideas more and more, one written word at a time, I build momentum in my ability to do it to a greater extent and ability.
As I build momentum, it becomes easier.
And it becomes more fun. And it draws more energy to it. Another concept that has recently entered my awareness goes like this: “Where your attention goes, energy flows.” And where energy flows, magic happens. I have always been a big fan of magic.
So I am writing now not for some challenge. And I am writing now to soothe a long-troubled soul who turned his back on his own creativity.
I am writing for the magic. The sheer magic. I am writing so that more energy and focus is drawn to what I am doing. And the more that happens, the more my life will out-picture in all the ways that I am hoping. The way I dreamt it when I was young.
Hey, maybe I will yet live in a castle. You never know. Anything is possible. And I am well on the way.
Magic is happening. I want you to know that. I want you to read it. I want you to experience it. Whoever you are, dear reader. Now or in the future. Though the future is now if you are reading this. Fun how that works.
Well, anyways, I never know where these posts will take me when I start writing them. But I am always fascinated to find out where they go. And they are always fun. I enjoy the writing more and more every day.
Hey, that’s it! That’s the magic I am looking for! The spells are being cast. The words are being spoken. The realization is beginning to unfold.
Thank you, God!
Blessings to you all!
Matthew