EA#43:
Read From the Beginning or the start of Trial Two or Three or Four or Five or Six or Seven
The Mountain in the Clouds, Part Forty-Six
“
Swallowed up in blackness.
Drowning in the deep.
I was lost, now, for good, in the gullet of the dragon bull shark.
It was cold and frightening in there. But to my great surprise, I felt no pain. In fact, I wasn’t even quite sure where I was.
I thought I knew where I was. But I didn’t seem to be there. I didn’t seem to be anywhere. I was simply hanging there in space, floating in some black void.
Oh, no, I thought. Not here again.
And I fell.
I fell, waving my arms through the void.
And I landed, thump, on the platform. And the streamers of colors wavered in the distance. My face spat out dust as my hands lifted me up from that porous-looking red rock.
Not here again, I bemoaned.
Didn’t already complete this trial? I faced my test of trust, and I was successful, right?
Or maybe I never really did. Maybe I had not trusted enough. Maybe I had actually never left this place. Maybe all that I thought had happened since was just an illusion, a delusion, a dream…
Good gods, what is this, some cruel joke? I’m not in a laughing mood!
You should be, a quietly forceful voice answered in my mind and all around at the same time. You should be in joy, as we taught prior.
Oh great, thanks. Now it’s clear that I am failing at all of my challenges. Am I to be sent back through them? Curse the gods, this is madness!
Do not curse the gods, it does not bode well. And madness is as madness does, the voice replied. Many a man drives himself mad simply by thinking in mad ways. Are you mad?
No, I am not mad, you are! I yelled back internally.
We are never mad, the voices returned in unison. We are always in our truth. And the truth is always the same. And it is never mad.
Be that as it may, I breathed heavily, I feel jilted here. I am to be tested on fear, not these old lessons I once learned.
But did you learn them? the voice begged of me. Are you certain? Do you not have any fear at all that perhaps you left something out? That you missed something? That you didn’t really succeed at all? Why else would you be here now?
Ah, I sighed in mild relief. I see what this is.
Do you? they asked.
This is as you say, a test of my fear. Maybe part of me did think I messed something up, or didn’t really complete all of my trials accurately. Everything has been moving so fast, I wasn’t sure if I was truly embodying the lessons.
So that’s it, the voice mused.
Yes, I had lost faith in my success, I hadn’t owned up to my own power in this ascension process, whatever that is… I droned on.
Ah, so now you know why you are back here, the voices applauded. You lost faith, as you say. In fact, you still don’t have faith. You never truly believed in the ascension. You think that it is something that cannot apply to you, is not actually happening to you. Do you even know what it is?
No, I suppose I don’t, I admitted.
Then why do you fear it? the voices were silent then.
I don’t know, I guess I feel like it’s something that doesn’t happen to people, least of all me, I answered. I guess I expect something like that for holy people, or ascetics, but not me, who has lived such a sordid life. I mean, I am nothing special. I have my bad sides. I have done wrongs, things I regret. Who am I to ascend to something more than I am? What is that even?
There was no answer but the beating of my own heart. The profound feeling of this and the silence of that empty void overwhelmed me. The words I had just spoken, the questions I had asked, and the thoughts I was left with began to answer themselves, in some subtle way that I couldn’t begin to put words to.
But I knew what I must do. And I sat down as I once did in this place. I sat down and I closed my eyes and felt my hands on my legs and breathed deeply into my lungs. And I meditated there. I imagined everything that I imagined ascension to be. I imagined Starhome and Jaran and Angie, and all the winged people whom I imagined to be ascended. I imagined myself then. I say myself flying on wings of angels. I imagined light streaming from my core and spreading across the world in a healing radiance of love. I felt myself lifted above the clouds, through the atmosphere, and into space. I saw stars and comets and whole other planets passing by as I ascended, and other swirling forms and masses of colors that I had never imagined before. And when I reached the pinnacle of all that is, to where everything merged into a great light, a wonderful, warm, bright light, it seemed as though all that was, all that is, and all that ever will be existed there in that one place, beyond time and space. And I joined with that in complete unity and was one. And I was at peace. And I was joyously loved. And I felt the connection to all things, all people, and all places, times and events. And none of it made sense anymore. None of it really mattered. None of it was real. It was all an illusion.
Then the illusion disappeared in an instant. Or perhaps I was, in truth, returned to the illusion of myself before the vision.
And I was startled back to reality by a noise of a metal pan clanking into another. My eyes burst open and I knew immediately where I was.
It was my old home, back in Ham, before I’d been banned from town. My ex wife was there, cooking something messily and noisily, mostly ignoring me. And I shuddered and cringed to find myself there, looking upon her, feeling myself back in my old life. I’d never wanted to go back there.
But then my kids ran up to me and I was joyful for a moment. They jumped in my arms, nearly knocking me over. Their bright, innocent faces beamed with love for me. It felt so great to see them and feel that love, that pure joy, that ecstasy.
Then the ex was barking at me, yelling about something or other. Somehow the words made no sense, were garbled in my ears. But the energy assaulted me nonetheless, and with every shouting utterance her lips enunciated, I felt beaten down, attacked, ridiculed, berated. It seemed as though she were getting bigger, or the room was, or maybe I was getting smaller. I was shrinking, falling back, falling into the floor. And the floor opened its maw wide to gobble me up. A menacing laugh rumbled from underneath me.
I knew clearly now that I had once lived in hell and had met the devil itself. And the devil’s name was my ex wife.
And to prove it she morphed before my eyes. She returned to her outlaw form as I had seen her in my trial of hate. But she was larger than before, larger than life. She rose above me, taunting and terrorizing me, casting her whip about with malice, grinning and cackling with wicked delight.
I would have cowered then before such a sight as that, feeling small and helpless and caught in the floor as I was, with a powerful, hateful foe rising over me…
But I found my spirit again, held my action in my mind, and without another thought bounded to my feet and began to run out the door, not looking back for a second.
I hurtled into the streets of Ham. It was late afternoon and the populace was out in droves, it seemed. I tumbled through a group of gentlemen and almost knocked over a lady carrying a basket of food.
I righted myself and turned towards the most open route I could find through the crowd. Quickly as I could I ran, finding energy I did not think I had. Part of me did not know why I was running so fast, for it was only my ex wife. But it was the need to escape that clutching grip she’d once held on me and almost had again that drove me forward.
That and the thought of my true love, Maniea. It had been so many years since I had actually been in the city of my birth, the city where my family lived, the city where I’d found my soulmate. And I wondered and hoped and prayed that she may still be there, in her imprisonment, atoning, as the city would have it, for her supposed misdeeds.
So I kept running. Soon I noticed that my ex, as the vicious outlaw with the whip, was on my tail. I turned to see a devious smile cross her face. It made her seem so ugly. But I also sensed the hate and loathing and her extreme dedication to catching me for whatever nefarious plans she had in mind.
And I ran faster, harder, finding my limbs blazing through the air, feeling longer, as if my stride were made by paper thin legs and my body left a mirage-like trail behind in its wake. It was unreal, but much appreciated.
And then beside me, as unreal as any of it, was the bird. It looked familiar, like that which I’d once met in the labyrinthine hedge maze so long ago. Like the Hermit’s cockatrice, only now it was not yellow but red, and had a lizard tail instead of tail feathers, and it wore two goat-like horns on its head.
The beast ran up beside me with its long taloned legs. It kept pace for some time, seeming to run from a shared enemy. Then it turned its big, beady eyes towards me, opened its beak and “caw-cawed!”
Intuitively I had the urge to mount the bird then, finding a hold on its sturdy horns and lifting myself up and onto its soft-feathered back. I held tight and tighter still as the creature suddenly gained extra speed.
We dodged this way and that, startling townsfolk out of the way, crossing streets and avenues with alacrity. Down a cobbled path, through a slight valley where the late sun cast myriad shadows, and up another road that wound its way to the top of a hill. I remembered that hill, with its stone wall mounting the upper edge along the thoroughfare that lay atop it. After the winding climb the path met with the the famous Market Boulevard of downtown Ham.
And my unusual steed crashed right through anyone in the way, surprising and upsetting most of those we pushed aside.
We mounted the hill, rounded the wall and ran down Market Boulevard. I looked down the way we’d come and saw the fiendish ex at the bottom, glaring up like a mad thing. In fact, she was transforming even further, looking more demonic than human at this point. Her vengeance knew no bounds, and even with my new asset she pressed on, shouting people out of the way and terrifying most of the town.
Where could Maniea be? Where was that magistrate’s office? It’d been so long. Ah yes, I guided my mount to the left off Market and ran down an ally that led towards the offices of the officials in City District.
We weaved our way through the government and public agency buildings, trying to locate the magistrate’s office and jail. I recall it being atop one of the tallest, most prominent hills in Ham, overlooking the Elgan Sea.
Ah, there it was! Hurry, beast, quickly now.
We arrived at the building. It seemed empty, quiet. In fact, I noticed that the entirety of City District was completely still, without another soul around. How odd.
I moved around the stone-carved building, trying to figure out if it were safe, and to find a portal through which I could peer within. With the help of my chimera, as I decided the bird must be, I stood tall and located a small, barred window that lay at least two meters off the ground, taller than any man. But with a boost on the chimera’s back, I was able to see in.
I brought my face close to the bars and at first I could not see anything. It was dark, but my eyes adjusted. As they did, what I could perceive was a simple, empty cell, a small cot, and a hole for use as a latrine. But nobody was in there.
Perhaps this is not where she is. This doesn’t mean anything, I tried to calm myself.
My ride began to shift and I almost lost my balance. But I sat back down and took hold of its horns once more.
Shouting from down the hill told me why the beast had started. The ex came, now looking like a full-on demon of hell: all aflame and burning with rage, grand in size, with diabolical wings protruding from her back. Her whip, too, was swirling with fire along its length as she struck it this way and that tauntingly, flames licking the earth.
She marched up the hill towards me, and to my chagrin my chimeric steed spooked at that point and ran off, leaving me alone against the side of that jail cell. I landed on the floor, pinned against the building, staring fearfully on as my tormentor approached me.
Gods! Help me now. I need to get out of here.
Magi Man! returned a voice.
That didn’t sound like the typical voice of the gods, or whoever I tended to hear, I though. In fact… it sounded very familiar…
It was Gumpelthwomp!
Magi Man, the giant’s voice called out again.
“Gumpelthwomp!” I shouted and looked around, expecting to see my friend right above me or certainly within view. What with his enormously large body and all…
But I didn’t see him. At all. Where was he?
“No incantation can save you now!” the demon ex proclaimed, now standing right in front of me. I felt glued to the floor.
“Gumpel!” I tried again. “Gumpel!”
“You’re no wizard,” the ex mocked. “Strange words will do nothing for you. Your time has come, you miserable wretch!”
She lifted her flaming whip overhead, ready to take her final blows upon me. I cowered before her, feeling so small and helpless. I was terrified.
“Gumpelthwomp!” I kept shouting. “Help! Gumpel! Gumpel! Gumpelthwomp!”
Eternity hung in a moment.
“
Thanks so much for reading.
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Blessings to you,
Matthew