EA#40:
Read From the Beginning or the start of Trial Two or Three or Four or Five or Six
The Mountain in the Clouds, Part Forty-Three
“
This place I knew well.
The void.
The place of possibilities.
A place of creation.
What did I want to create this time? Where was I again, anyway?
At war, a voice reminded me.
Who’s there this time, I asked within.
Same as ever, was the answer.
But who are you, really?
I am you, the voice replied.
I don’t think that’s right, I thought back. My thoughts sound very different than the inner dialogue I have with you. Or whoever else I hear. Your voice isn’t always the same.
Silence.
Ok, so I am at war, I picked back up. And it’s going terribly. All my friends are dying. The Gilded Dragons are completely surrounded. There’s too many of them. And the dragons… I have been through many trials, and at times they seemed hopeless, sure, though eventually I succeeded… But this one truly seems, well, impossible.
Is it?
Is it what?
Impossible?
Well you tell me! I’m at a loss.
What was it you just thought a moment ago, the voice urged me. You thought that this void you now experience is a place of possibilities, right? You’ve been here before and created form from thought, right? What you don’t seem to fathom still is that in some way you are always in this place of creation, this space of infinite possibilities. You are always able to think yourself into exactly what it is you wish to see and experience before you.
Is that right? I asked. Then how come it feels more often that I am at the whims of the world? That things just happen to me and I have no say in the matter? That seems to be the course of life, for me and for most.
Yes, it would seem that way from your perspectives, we understand that very well. For we have been witness to this dance since time immemorial. And we have told you again and again the same thing: you are the creators of your own world.
Even if that were so, I mused, how does that help me in this moment, where I am lost in the throws of a deadly battle? How could I possibly think my way out of this? Should I imagine that all those people just stop fighting?
Would that end the fight?
I almost gasped. Well, of course, I thought back.
Then I pondered it some more. And even though it was ludicrously simple and obvious… and seemingly impossible… something about it struck me.
Could that be the answer? I asked the voice.
Do you believe it?
I don’t know.
Then perhaps it won’t be your answer. It doesn’t matter what we say, it’s about what you believe. Let us just give one reminder. You are nowhere of consequence. You are not in your world. You are in a testing ground. A vibrational holding place. You are in Neverwhere, and here things work very quickly. This is a place for your growth and understanding, but do not expect things to be as they were in the physical world in which you lived your life prior to these trials of ascension. Does this give you any clue?
Hm, I pondered. Well, I suppose… yes, maybe what you are saying is that my power to focus thought and create with that is much stronger, quicker here? I guess I have experienced that before, in prior trials. Why do I forget these lessons so quickly?
You all do, the voice almost bemoaned. We have watched you all, and you all forget. That is part of your journey through life. To forget who you are, in order for you to remember in a grander way.
Why? Why do that?
Well if you already knew who you were, you wouldn’t do anything at all, would you? You’d have nothing to try, nothing to strive for, nowhere to go to, nothing to figure out, nothing new to experience.
Yes, but wouldn’t I just be happy, knowing who I am?
This has nothing to do with happiness, the voice replied. This is about being. Without forgetting you wouldn’t have a chance to remember. Without not being, you would not be.
Ok, this is getting a little off topic, I sense.
Is it? the voice queried. You are in a place of learning, so why not learn? Learn to remember your true power. You are divine, as are all things in creation. It cannot be any other way. All was created in divinity, therefore all things are divine. Even the potter engraves his mark in the clay. So does God.
Excuse me? I asked, for the first time feeling truly puzzled. I have never heard anyone speak of God as one… I know many of many gods in my understanding of it… or many people prefer their faith in the Nine Magi. But you speak of God, just God, one God?
God is all there is. But in being all there is, God is many things. In fact God is everything. Every single thing. So you may name God in parts, if you wish. It matters not. Call it whatever you like. It matters not to God. For God simply is. Always has been, and always will be. Nothing can change that. And as all are parts of God, all is one. When you see that in truth in all you witness, you will know what we speak of.
Well, that’s a novel concept, I exuded wonder in my inner thought world. I’m sure most of Paelstor would not get behind that idea. People are so stuck on their old traditions and faiths. So firmly rooted in past concepts of how things are. I mean, I am having trouble here, myself. I have always held faith in the old gods. And I never conceived of the Magi as beings, but as eternal powers of creation, forces with which the gods do their work, sure… but this is all new to me. I am not even sure what to do with it…
Well, now’s your chance to find out…
And all at once I was wide awake, lying in a sweat in Gumpelthwomp’s massive palm, still being carried above the smoke and arrows and screams and horrors stretched throughout the battlefield below my giant friend and I.
I came to my feet and surveyed the scene. I saw that it had grown worse since I had blacked out. The forces of darkness engulfed the army of light. Etl Drilksbat and his army closed in on the remaining Gilded Dragons, pushing them back into their last defenses in the tunnels of the cliff wall. The orcs and goblins cackled with twisted delight. And the dragons not only ruled the skies but now terrorized those on the ground as well. All seemed lost.
And as I stood there and tried to remain calm, tried to remain objective, tried to remember where I was, tried to remember my purpose, tried to remember all I have learned and been taught, and tried most of all to remember who I really am…
I suddenly knew what to do.
I slowed my thoughts, focused my body, and tuned into the deepest parts of my being that I knew resided in an all-encompassing place that was neither here nor there, but also everywhere. I touched base with my very soul, my purest nature, my truest self, and I closed my eyes…
Then I stopped everything.
All that I witnessed, all the sights of bloodshed and hate, all the noise and fear and destruction, halted in a single moment of stillness. An enteral moment.
All was calm.
And I saw everything anew.
I gazed down upon the warriors of light and dark, and I saw them as one. I saw them as the humanity that they were. Even the orcs and goblins and dragons… even them I saw as part of one whole of creation that is life itself. All were connected in one vision of wonder.
And I found myself walking among the soldiers then. They were frozen in time and space, locked in the throes of combat. Swords hung high in the air for killing blows that did not complete. Bodies were falling in midair but without death. Even the dragon fires ceased and became strange statuesque forms of brilliant color.
I looked at all those I saw before me and saw their true nature. I saw them as divine souls, living a life in a body. I saw them as the people they had become, through so many choices that they had made. Choices they had had the right to make. Not one choice better or worse than another.
And I looked past the attire that separated them, the raiments of their station, the golden armor and the black. I saw through the roles they played as warriors and soldiers. Instead I saw them as brothers and sons, fathers and husbands. I saw them as farmers, and blacksmiths, and carpenters, and cobblers. I saw them as servants of a kingdom and servants of a family and servants of a world. I saw them as the kings of their own bodies and minds, rulers of their own lives. And I saw them as a whole collective of like people, holding form through the same collection of energy fields that became the physical forms they held.
I saw them as divine. And I saw them as friends.
I saw them shaking hands, smiling, and congratulating each other on a job well done, a life well-lived, a role well-played. I saw them laughing and joking about the mistakes they had made, comparing notes of their lives and the lessons learned. I saw them beyond the lives and forms they had held that had brought them to this bitter moment, this pointless battle. I saw them without hate in their hearts.
I saw them replaced with love. All were loving and accepting, forgiving and embracing.
I saw them at peace.
And I opened my eyes and was astonished.
The truth of my process of witness had transformed the reality that was the Battle of Neverwhere. The Gilded Dragons and the army of Dral Graf were very much alive and moving again. But they were not fighting. They were stunned, confused. Pieces of armor fell from their bodies in heaps of clanking metal. Then swords and axes and bows were dropped.
The men looked about them in wonder, in amazement. None seemed quite sure what was going on or what to do about it. But there was a sense of peace throughout the Barrow Lands in that moment.
Then the forgiving, and the handshaking, and the apologizing, and the helping the wounded began. And before I knew it, both armies were working together as unexpected allies trying to rectify a bad situation that they all knew they had taken part in creating.
And next before me I saw a man of a powerful presence. It must have been Etl Drilksbat himself, for his armor was the most incredible build I had seen that day. But he cast aside the horned helmet that once invoked fear. He threw down his mighty claymore. And he tore off the breastplate and gauntlets. He walked straight up to King Garamund, who still stood gaping at the strange happenings before him.
But Garamund knew what must have transpired, and he turned his gaze to me, wonderstruck, eyes beaming.
Then Etl Drilksbat embraced King Garamund wholeheartedly and they two were lost in the most forgiving gesture any two warring leaders had ever expressed before or since.
I saw Corporal Riley and Gill assisting the wounded. And they smiled and waved to me. Apalandro strode up to me and patted me on the back, winked, and went off to help clean up the mess as well.
Evenhand, too, was doing his part to contribute to the efforts of undoing the damage. He sought those who needed to be carried from harm, from traps, to bring them to safety and healing.
And Gumpelthwomp, my loyal giant, became instrumental in clearing large areas of debris, burning barricades, and other obstructions that required brute force to move.
The orcs and goblins were curiously friendly and, while they undoubtedly felt out of place, were widely accepted and also did whatever they could to assist the rest.
And the dragons licked their wounds. They scoffed at first, then used their powerful jaws to pull some of the bodies out of the trench traps. Their gentleness was unparalleled as they searched for stuck men who could be saved and nursed to health.
I could not even believe what I was seeing. My smile crept across my face from tentative, to knowing, to absolutely exhilarated.
To think, the voice returned in my head, all it took to end the war was for everyone, every last person fighting, to be at peace. To allow peace. To claim peace. War will never be overcome by fighting, no matter how many battles are waged. It is only when all agree to peace that war will truly end.
Can all people everywhere do this?
We think so.
And I rested at ease with that thought.
All was well. The war was over.
BUT A NEW TRIAL BEGINS! Hissed a voice that sent chills down my spine.
In my mind, I saw without warning a face so terrifying that my body convulsed backward, landing me sitting in the mud. It was black and grey, tattered and jagged, twisted and ugly, monstrous and toothy and eyes askew.
Then I turned and saw the figure standing before me, a head or two taller, mocking me, rattling me to the core.
And it was gone.
In the back of my mind I watched the dark, menacing face figure twitch and slink away as if going to a place in my own mind. As if it were taking up residence within me. Which didn’t feel so comforting…
What’s next? I asked, petrified.
The hiss shouted within:
FEAR!
“
So resolves the trial of War and begins the seventh and last trial, that of Fear!
Thanks so much for reading.
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Blessings to you,
Matthew