EA#46:
Read From the Beginning or the start of Trial Two or Three or Four or Five or Six or Seven
The Mountain in the Clouds, Part Forty-Nine
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“What is the greatest fear you still hold?” The Hermit asked me again?
“I am afraid of completion,” I said at last. “Somehow, it doesn’t make sense because in some ways… the way I’ve lived, I’ve never really known what completion even FEELS like. I mean, I don’t know the end, what the completion of it all feels like, so I don’t know how to get there.”
I paused, then, “I suppose I can remember as a child feeling very connected to life, and the gods, and I even found the Magi fascinating. At that time I felt sure that there was something greater than myself. But even as much as I thought I’d held fast to that through the years, how I have doubted. I did not see the gods in their true place, the more I questioned their validity. I’d never seen one, after all. I did not know the true power of the universe and of creation. And therefore I did not understand the full completion of myself that was possible. Does this make sense?”
The Hermit nodded but stayed quiet.
“I now find, and feel, as I have lived, and I now Know that I am living as something greater… something greater than myself, or anyone and anything else,” I continued. “That there is a greater part of me that is out there, in communion with the Gods, AT THEIR TABLE, not at mine. I feel as though there is part of me up there always with the divine, watching, and looking after, and taking care of me, in some way. I don’t always recognize that connection, but I know it is always there. Whenever I seek it, I find it, and the return is given in true abundance. There is a source of it all, and it flows with prosperity, and I am the ultimate outpouring of it. I feel as though there is a greater purpose, one well beyond me, and that it is that which is carrying us all forward. And it even remains there, even when we stop looking at it and knowing it to be real. It cannot leave, any more than can leave the light when you look towards darkness.”
Coming to a crescendo. “How will you be revealed in the light? How will I? Does it matter if we all know ourselves to be one and the same? When we Know this, that we are all connected not only to the divine spark of our creation, our source, but also Know that we are integrally connected to each other in every time and space and place, then peace will be known. Because all is one. The singularity that manifests as the infinite multiplicity. Eternally.”
“I am speechless,” the Hermit jested. “That is quite a profound lesson to learn from your greatest fear, is it not?”
“Indeed it is!” I exhaled. “And may I add. Where there is clear discernment, inner strength, abundant joy, unwavering trust, unconditional love, true peace, and the endless courage to maintain the spirit of those combined energies, you will have full integration.”
“Therefore completion,” the Hermit applauded. “Truly remarkable. Do you know what you’ve done? You’ve taught yourself. Now the lesson is not something to be attainted, but one that you have already passed. You accept the choice you already made to become one with the knowing of your true self and essence. You have become, or rather be Remembered again, by yourself, that you were already thus, the connection to the Source of All That Is, and that you have learned how to be the Outpouring of your Divine Heritage.”
“You are loved. You are holy. You are the light!” concluded the Hermit.
“Is that the incantation of the ascension?” I had to ask.
“No, that’s just me riffing right now,” laughed the old heart of the maze. “Don’t you know about imagination and creativity, proud soul?”
Me, the proud soul, replied, “Of course I do. How do you think I knew how to tell this story? How do you think we got here?”
The world transformed before me. I was not in Neverwhere anymore. I was somewhere else. Anywhere was preferable at that time. I was really ready to be elsewhere.
It was my first tunnel in some time, the magic portal that opened before the Hermit and I. Or had it been that long? Most of the magic portals I’d been taking lately have been instantaneous and spontaneous. But this was the first one I witnessed with my eyes since my early trials began.
It swirled around, a wave spiral of colors. It was warm and inviting, like a cozy blanket. It didn’t frighten me. It soothed my spirit. I entered it and felt curled up like a child of the universe. I was sent with calm, easy momentum through the void of all creation, through the skies of infinity.
And I ended up back where I had started, far away from the realm of Neverwhere and back home to the world of Paelstor that I had grown up in, though far from my home in Ham. I was back to Mitstarhomvalla. Back to Starhome.
As I re-entered that wonderful city in the mountain in the clouds, it occurred to me that I had been away from it for my last few trials, without reprieve. It felt good to be back on solid ground and have chance to unwind… but it also felt very different.
On the one hand I was surprised at how comfortable I felt there. It seemed like home, rather than just some place I’d ended up while on an interesting trip with a friend.
While on the other hand I felt totally different in that space I called the real world. As if somehow it didn’t feel as real anymore. Like my time in Neverwhere became its own reality, and this feels like a different one. But by no means did it feel like the only one, or the real one anymore. It felt as though there were infinite possibilities, within this world and in those beyond. How many are there? Are there as many as can be imagined? And more than that?
It seemed to me that if I thought it, by very nature it would come to be, instantly. I really felt in that space of Starhome, in the deep northern mountains of Taltane, that if I used my mind to create something, I would see it before my eyes without a blink.
It was a transcendental feeling.
And it didn’t allow me to do anything remotely like that. I could not will something into being simply by the instant thought that it should be there. But the feeling told me in some ways this was entirely possible, from a certain perspective. Still, the reality I was accustomed to, a world of time, convinced me in the moment, more pointedly, that things take time, are not instantaneous. It felt like both were true. I could not, now, from my current perspective, create in this instantaneous fashion. But the feeling of it told me that it IS possible to do so. Perhaps from a higher perspective than I may be able to understand right now.
But still the vantage I held now was of a different world than I once knew. It was a world at one with itself. It was a world in which all things, people, places, timings, and events fit in perfectly, no matter how they expressed. It is, in fact, the perfect expression of divinity in every given moment in every given consciousness. And it was up to us how we focused our consciousness. That alone is our free will. The easiest and most freeing way to change anything is to imagine it differently. Choose differently. Know that it can be so, and do not doubt it, for the doubt itself is creative and makes what you doubt. Be certain about what you want and it will be so, down to every detail you put into your imagined feeling about it. Feel the creation. Fuel the creation. Love the creation. Accept the creation. Learn from it. Keep it, or pass it by as you choose. There is nothing more to do. Be Easy and allow the Love of All That Is, the Source of All Creation, Flow through you and to you and Be the Outpouring of its most Glorious and Magnificent Expression in Form!
That is what my Ascension was about. Now it is time to be the example. To live it and be it.
I know what to do…
“Troy, my love!” called the most beautiful, sweetest sounding voice I’d ever heard in my entire life.
I nearly broke down to see her, my true love, Maniea. It had been so long, and I had almost given up hope. But as I thought about my new knowledge and what I wanted to see created, my heart went to her. And here she is.
“Maniea!” I embrace her as she runs into my arms. “My love! I have missed you!”
We kiss like we’ve never kissed before, and hold each other so tightly. I feel a complete sense of bliss and peace wash over me. My heart warms, my blood rushes, and my fingers tingle,. Everything around me vanishes in my tunnel vision. All I see is her. The most beautiful, the most perfect love, the most loved love.
“I have missed you, too,” she tells me, holding big, fat tears on her cheeks. “Gods, how long has it been?”
“Too long,” I try not to weep, holding myself strong. “I thought I might never see you again.”
“Remember, silly?”
“Remember what?
“What we said that last day together, before they caught us?”
“What did we say, sweetie?
“I know you remember. How we’d always be together, in this life and the next, and any after that, too?”
“Of course,” I gasp. “How silly, of course. I guess I forgot we said that because I got so used to feeling that in my heart.”
“Aww, how sweet,” Maniea twitters.
“But how are you here, now?” I ask.
“I was always here,” she looks a little mournful.
“I don’t understand,” I say. “I was here, too. Why didn’t you find me earlier? Why did you seem like an apparition at the bath house?”
“Because, my love, I have always been here, but only in spirit,” Maniea answers.
“So you’re dead?” I’m about ready to choke on my joy.
“Not exactly,” she answers. “I have been here, waiting for you. But you were not ready to see me yet.”
“Why?”
“Because you needed a different perspective to truly do so. No one could have told you this, not even me. You had to learn it.”
“And now?”
“Now, you are ready.”
“So what is it then? Please explain.”
My sweetheart carries me with the soft touch of her hands, guiding me to a bench in order to sit.
“I will tell you, my love. Please hear me out before you take into account what I am saying. Some of it may disturb you.”
“Ok, I will reserve judgement.”
“It is actually preferable that you not judge at all. Judgement separates. I need you to assimilate this into your very soul.”
“Very well,” I start to feel a bit serious about it.
“I did die,” she starts. “As you think of death in the world of life. But I found that I was not where I expected. In fact, at first I was in heaven. It was just as I imagined it. And I was greeted by the gods themselves: An and Lumia, Ama and Erigan. I was welcomed to a great feast and a beautiful countryside, and all my most loved ones through all time were there with me. It was profound and wonderful.”
“That sounds amazing,” I admit.
She goes on, “And while it did last for a long, long time, it seemed… eventually it felt as though it could not be forever. Something wanted to change. I felt a tugging to move on. I went on to other another place, which is beyond heaven. There is a place where we all go, where we rejoin the unity of All That Is, and we feel at complete oneness with it and its great Love. We feel blessed beyond measure, healed of all wounds, and restored to our rightful place as the eternal, knowing souls that we are.”
I keep listening, stunned to find that I am actually understanding it and experiencing it through her words, as if I am going through it myself. It feels so true, so right.
“And,” Maniea continues, “you come to this ultimate meeting place of your soul with the Oneness. And here you make a decision. I made the decision to do other things with my next round at Being. I planned not to go into physical form as I had done. I knew it would be hard to leave you for that time, but also knew that it would all work out. I knew we would meet again, as we do today. So I chose to come here, to Starhome. I decided to work with the ascended ones, those who are physical, and those who are not. And most of those who appear to be physical are truly, with little effort, nonphysical at will. They choose the physical form when it suits them, in order to work directly with the world as needed. Like to help guide a new member such as you.”
“New member?”
“Of course, that was part of the decision that YOUR soul made when it wanted more, when it wanted to ascend. It wanted to join the club up here. Isn’t that simple, after all? To ask for what you want and to receive it when the timing is exactly perfect to do so?”
“So you’re saying I wasn’t ready to make this complete change in my life, to make the choice to come here and find you?”
“Precisely,” she answers. “You weren’t ready to incorporate such ideas into your consciousness all at once. It was only over time, through an elaborate process that YOU actually created for yourself that you were able to make this transition. And now that you are here, it must all seem silly, in some ways. To go through all that, when you could have just taken the easy step through the door. But you wouldn’t have gotten here otherwise.”
“At the moment, I must say, my love,” I interject. “At the moment I do not think what happened to me was silly. It was very vivid and real. And there were many frightful moments.”
“I know, sweetie,” Mania laughs. “But don’t forget to be easy about it. Be joyful and free about it. Look, it’s all done now. Be here now.”
“Good advice. There’s nowhere in all of anywhere that I’d rather be. But wait, if you are not physical, how can we touch?”
“Because you know how,” she whispers. “Now shh…”
Time itself stops as we gaze lovingly into each other’s eyes. I see all the things I remember loving most about her. Her pure heart. Her innocent spirit. Her determination. And so much wisdom. She glows like an angel, a broad, brilliant light encircling her face. White and prismatic.
And I… I never feel so alive. And so FULL of life. A life force the likes of which I have never known before. The rekindling of my love for her overcomes me.
When star crossed lovers meet again after years of being apart, there is no force in the universe that can contain their pure ecstasy. Everything is just right in that moment.
“I don’t mean to interfere with this beautiful reunion of souls,” Angie says, coming slowly out of the edge of perception towards us. “Therefore I will make this brief, so you can be alone.” Tuning to me, “We congratulate you on your success, Siba, for this will be your new name in Mitstarhomvalla. We all take one, as is given us by the stars.”
“Jaran is mine,” says my friend.
“Jaran!” I exclaim as I greet him.
“Good job,” he says. “Welcome home, Siba.”
“Do you like your new name?” Angie queries.
“I suppose it is nice. It will have to grow on me. What is your name here, my love?”
“It is Enusia,” Maniea answers.
“It is a lovely, very beautiful name for you,” I marvel. “Still, I have known you as Maniea.”
“Worry not, Siba,” Angie explains. “We do not strictly enforce what name you use for those you know. Words and names are but labels for something else, something more loved than mere words could ever show. The only rule that we must ask you to adhere to is to not let yourself slip from these heights, so to speak. At least not longer than you possibly can. No, I don’t mean the mountains. We mean, in more fitting words, you must catch yourself any time you dip in vibration. It is in keeping yourself in a higher vibration that you will maintain the lessons you have learned. And it is also how you keep growing. It is how we angels stay connected to each other. It keeps us focused on the great purpose we are called to.”
“And what is that? What is the great purpose?” I asked.
“Our purpose is to know ourselves fully, to know our divine nature, to know ourselves as light and as love and as an integral part of All That Is. And as we do this we, shine our example to the world, in consciousness. We do this in ways you do not yet know. But you will. As you remain with us… of course, if that is your choice… than you will know what we do and how. And you will see its impact, through the world of your ‘so-called reality’ in Paelstor.
Those who remain in lower vibration may not be able to perceive it. But you and I will. That is why we dwell so high up here, in the mountain in the clouds. So that we can maintain our vantage point and help those we see below. But you must remember that in no way do we perceive ourselves as better than or greater than those below. They have simply not come to the point of remembrance that we have.
Remembrance of who they are, as the same as us. Remembrance of their own very divine nature. Those below have forgotten, and play such wicked tricks and games on themselves and each other in pursuit of perpetuating the lie, the illusion. The separation of “I” against all else is the cause of endless suffering. An “I” for an “I.” This “I” will attack others and defend itself in any way that it can, in any way that it feels it has to in order to maintain its kingdom.
“But its kingdom is small. The kingdom on high is wonderful. And it is possible. It is well-known in concept, even by those below. But those below, in fear and in anger and hate, in judgement and separation, have lost the key and forgotten where the door is. You, Siba, have found the key and crossed through that very door. You have mastered an understanding of YOURSELF within consciousness, rather than believing consciousness to be simply IN YOU.
“You are greater than your body and your mind combined. But as with many, your body and mind was very convincing that THAT WAS IT. That you are form and thought alone, not some integral whole. But you are more than just body and mind.
“Now you must understand your place in All That Is, and when you do, you realize that you have no other choice but to shine your love. And, therefore, you will dedicate your every moment to helping in all the best ways that you can, anywhere and everywhere that you can. To teach all those to know themselves greater.
“Only in doing this to all will any of us truly be saved. To be saved in the deepest sense, to remember fully who we are, we must do it all together. We must all know the light again, and remove OURSELVES from darkness.
“Know yourself beyond form. Beyond thought. Back at the source of it All: Pure, infinite, eternal Light with overwhelming and abundant, unconditional Love for all of Creation and all that is Created.”
“I thought you said you would make this brief,” I jest.
“I see your humor is finally returning,” Angie smiles. “That is all I wish to say. The rest you can figure out yourself.”
She walks away, but turns back once more with a cunning look, “And in the grand scheme of things, that WAS brief.” She winks and disappears in the stonework of the city around us.
And Jaran waves goodbye, too, with a great big grin, then makes himself scarce.
“Congratulations, my love,” Enusia, once Maniea says to me. Her face is full of love and devotion. “You finally made it home to me.”
“I love you,” I beam.
“I love you, too,” she kisses.
I can speak no more. I have only one thing now to do.
Be with the one I love.
“
The end. For real. The completion of my first novel-length story. Feels good.
Thank you so much for reading! I hope you liked it.
Please leave comments and let me know what you thought of the ending.
And please share with anyone you think might like this story.
Blessings to you all, infinitely and eternally,
Matthew Rondeau