EA#20:
Read From the Beginning or the start of Trial Two or Three
The Mountain in the Clouds, Part Twenty-Three
“
Falling.
Falling.
And falling.
I would say it was a void in which I fell, but there was something of form and substance in there. It almost seemed as if I were in an endless chute of energy streaming around me like a tunnel, like walls of blue and purple and green vapors in the black. They were visible yet faint at the same time, and wavered and quavered like waves.
There was also this sense that I could not tell which way was up and which down. It seemed I was belly down and flailing my hands in front of me towards, I hoped, some ground. But then if I shifted and turned I felt equally comfortable going the other direction.
That was odd to experience as well. The sense of comfort. Why should I be comfortable free-falling endlessly in some unknown abyss?
Then I hit solidity again with a thump. I found myself on hands and knees and breathing heavily. My head bowed to the floor as I recollected myself, and I didn’t bother to look around all at once. In any case, I had a sense that there was not much to see. And that I knew exactly where I was.
And it was true. As I glanced up and to both sides and behind me I knew that my hunch was correct. I was on the ledge. The one that I saw in the book in my room.
The ledge was a heavy, thick slab of stone, not much bigger than a large dinner table. It was perfectly rectangular, the edges on all four sides dropping off into that space in which I had been falling. The rock was somewhat porous as I looked closely. I felt a subtle sponginess with my hands though it was mostly hard as granite. And it was a deep red color like a blood moon.
At one of the shorter sides there was one additional feature. Two blue ropes were corded from the slab of stone up at an angle into the black. I couldn’t perceive what they were hung from there, but they formed two triangles into the air. If I didn’t know better, they looked like strings of a drawbridge, as if with the right effort they might pull the rock up towards some unknowable something.
To be honest, that’s the best I could do to explain it. It was just such a mystery to be standing there, with little to walk on, and little to see but the rock and the ropes and the streamers of energy faintly glowing in the periphery of my vision.
Where was I? What was I to do? Why was I here? I know I was sent on another trial, but I didn’t even know what it was. I was never informed. Did Angie forget to mention my purpose here? What was I to do? How was I to move forward? I didn’t have a clue.
Gods, I began. Hear my questions and lead me where I need to go.
Blessed be the one who listens.
I heard these words in my head, clear as day. The sound of it was in the vicinity of my own inner voice but also not like mine. There was a distinctive feature to it, an effect on the sound quality of it.. well the perceived inner sound quality…
Blessed be the one who listens? I pondered in my own more familiar voice.
Ok, I will listen then. What shall I know?
You are where you are meant to be. You are doing what you are meant to be doing. There is nothing else that shall be so. There is nothing wrong in the moment of now. You are perfect where you are. You are more perfect than you know. You have much to do but there is no need for worry. There is nothing that isn’t already accomplished in thought. There is only the demonstrating of it that you will witness before you as you go about your way. You will know yourself more and more each day. You will be the you that you were meant to be from the beginning. There is nothing else that should be so. You are blessed as you are. And we say blessed as a gift to you, for you are a gift unto all, as are all. You must know this in your heart and in your being. Your very presence delights us and delights all the world. You are known well to us. You are doing just fine. Everything is working out perfectly.
That was it. The message I received as I allowed. It came to me in one huge chunk of knowing. Of inner hearing. Of feeling the assurance and guidance of the words. I was not entirely sure what to do with it all at once, but I was supremely calmed by the energy of it.
Alas, these words were wonderful but not the answer to my riddle. What is it that I am meant to do here?
Trust.
That is the word I heard next. That word alone, crisp and defined and uttered in a strong emphatic way in my mind’s inner ear.
Trust.
Ok, I said to myself. Trust. What shall I trust?
Trust yourself, I was told.
Trust myself to what?
To be. To be who you are. To do what you will. To live and to demonstrate and to be one with all that is.
Wow, ok, great, I mused. More of that is wonderful but what shall I do if I cannot get off this rock? How shall I move forward from this place I am kept?
The voice answered: You are not kept in any way but by your own doing. Trust yourself to know the next step you must take.
I thought I was trusting myself. My trust in myself led me to stand hear asking questions of the void and trusting that the answers are real and not imagined, not crazy.
The voice: You must know that you are not crazy. You must know that this is real. To hear and to have this conversation in your knowing.
Me: Fine, so if this is real, then answer me this… how do I get off this rock?
The voice: You get off the rock when you are ready to move forward.
Me: What? Ok, you’ve said that. You’re repeating yourself. Just show me the way. I am ready to move forward.
The voice: We are not repeating ourself anymore than you are repeating the questions. If you would like a different answer, ask a different question. But you would like us to show you the way. Very well.
Without warning a surge of wind came billowing out of the nothingness. It was so overwhelming that it carried me off my feet and hurtled me over the edge of the rock.
Damn, I cursed. That’s not what I wanted. I was already falling earlier. Can’t we do something different?
So there I was, falling again. That same endless fall in that same endless space. Again, quite comfortable, but feeling quite useless all the while.
Was this some sort of torture? A mind game? A test of endurance?
What was I to do but settle into it… there was nothing my body could accomplish in free fall. There was little my mind could do but wonder and pose questions to which I didn’t get clear answers.
Why do I hear things spoken in my mind so clearly at times, so profoundly… and at other times when I want answers, I get nothing?
Please, gods, would you give me a break here.
Thump. Again, I was on the ledge.
I stood up again. I looked around. It was the same as the last time. Nothing at all had changed.
Ok, did I overlook something?
I looked around more closely. Same heavy, red rock. Same blue ropes into the black abyss. Same streamers of blue and purple and green glowing at the edge of perception all around me. Nothing else.
Unless… Is that? It’s like a twinkling over there… Is that a star, or something else? I think it is there. I can barely tell. It’s so far and so small and so faint. And the glowing waves of energy pulsed over and around and through it, covering and obscuring my vision of it.
Yes, I think it is really there. There is something there that I didn’t see before. But what good does that do me? It’s not like I can grasp it.
Or can I?
I felt the urge to lift up my hand to pluck it out of the air, as if it were within arm’s reach. To my surprise, my fist closed around the tiny light. And it was gone from that space. And I think it was in my hand. But I didn’t feel anything.
What is this?
I opened my hand slowly to peer inside.
That is the light.
The voice was back again.
That is the light, it said.
That is the light that you are. That is the light that all are, that everything is.
So small? I asked.
The voice: It only looks so small in your perception. And it looks small because you keep yourself small. You are greater than you know. The light is greater than you know. Let it grow.
How do I do that? I asked.
The voice: Intend that it may grow and it will. Focus upon growing the light.
So I did. I held that small, almost imperceptible light in my palm and focused. I thought hard about seeing it grow bigger. At first nothing seemed to happen. But I kept trying.
And then I found that the more I intended for the light to grow, the more that I focused, the larger it became. The increments were minuscule, but my eyes could begin to perceive it getting bigger in my palm.
This is incredible, I exclaimed in inner joy. What is this that I am able to do? It is like the magic of the wizards at my disposal. I’ve never been able to do anything like this before.
The voice intervened: But you do things like this all the time. You think and you focus and you grow energy every moment of every day. It can be no other way. For you are a creator.
A creator? I asked.
The voice: Trust us. You are more than you know. You will learn. You must learn to trust.
That word hung like a sparkle of the gods’ divine power in my mind and in that space. It filled the void and it filled my heart.
And in an instant that light in my palm exploded in a flash of blinding brilliance that overtook all that I could see and stretched to the furthest reaches of that dark, spiraling abyss.
It swallowed me up and warmed me to the soul.
“
Thanks so much for reading.
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Blessings to you,
Matthew